5 Major Obstacles Men Must Face to Thrive in Authentic Masculinity
- Brad Sherwood
- Oct 10, 2023
- 5 min read
Updated: Jan 22, 2024
TABLE OF CONTENTS
Today’s culture presents unique challenges to men that previous generations have not faced.
The internet is less than 40 years old, and iPhones came out less than 20 years ago. Yet today we would hardly know how to live without these integral parts of our society, even though they would be unrecognizable to anyone from previous generations.
While these innovations are not bad in themselves, they come with a new set of obstacles we must carefully wade through.
Not only that, but the rise in technology has coincided with dramatic shifts in thinking that we shouldn’t unwittingly accept.
Here are the top challenges that our culture presents us as men:
1. The Effects of Social Media
It’s hard to believe, but 2023 marks the 20th anniversary of MySpace. With recent movies such as The Social Dilemma, most of us are willing to admit that social media can have a negative impact, yet it’s estimated that 70% of Americans use social platforms on a regular basis.
While social media isn’t inherently bad or good, it’s particularly set up to provoke comparison and jealousy. We paint the picture of ourselves that we want people to see–a picture that doesn’t always correspond to reality. This tension between our outward portrayal and how we see ourselves can create anxiety. It can also make us feel inferior to the picture-perfect lives that we see in others.
Many studies have found a link between social media use and mental health issues such as depression, loneliness, and suicidal thoughts. Ironically, it causes us to push people away and become less social.
Our society has an “always on” mindset. Our attention must be occupied with something. We seek constant distraction and leave little time for quiet reflection.
In a prescient, pre-social-media work, C.S Lewis wrote, “We live, in fact, in a world starved for solitude, silence, and privacy, and therefore starved for meditation and true friendship.”
2. Finding Meaningful Friendship
One of the most fundamental things about humans that distinguish us from animals is our complex language systems.
But language is meaningless without at least two people who both understand it. Therefore, part of what it means to be human is to be social. Science backs this up too. In contrast to social media–which often serves to isolate and lead to loneliness–close friendships lead to positive mental effects.
We can’t let everyone in, but everyone should have someone that knows everything about you.
We need to know other people have the same struggles as us. We need others to encourage us and push us to be better men, to align more closely with the ideals of authentic masculinity.
Modern culture is built on individualism. Its cry is “Find your own path!” Combine that with the pressure to buy more stuff–a pressure intensified by perfect lives on social media–and we must work harder to make more money and to impress.
But where in that cycle is room for deep friendship? Where is the space to cultivate relationships that foster and uplift authentic masculinity?
3. The Hyper-Sexualization of Media
Turn on the TV and you won’t have to watch long before you find sexual content.
Our society is inundated with sexuality. It’s become the norm for us. I’ve heard it said that Victorian culture (1800s) had a taboo around sexual talk, but would openly talk about death because it was so commonplace. Our culture has reversed it.
What does this mean for us men?
For one, men are far more visually stimulated than women. The barrage of sexual images in the media therefore has a stronger effect on men than women. This normalization of sex, along with other factors, has led to the rise in addiction to pornography. It’s estimated that 40 million Americans access porn regularly–about 15% of adults.
Porn addiction ruins lives.
According to research by Dr. Jill Manning, 56% of divorces included one spouse’s addiction to porn. It breaks up marriages, changes brain structure, distracts from work, takes away from the things most important to us, and leads to shame, guilt, and mental health issues.
It’s also a huge problem for teens, leading to adverse effects in school, damaged relationships, and long-term consequences.
Being a leader means we must step up and take action against porn in both ourselves and our families. Embracing authentic masculinity means recognizing and combating the influences that diminish our true essence and potential as men.
4. The Blurring of Gender and Healthy Masculinity
The trend of the culture is to eliminate gender and disregard differences between men and women.
These ideas stem from a broader cultural move to eradicate objective truth and let personal happiness take precedence. This ideological movement is often called “expressive individualism“ by cultural theorists.
But these ideas take away from the core of authentic masculinity and what it means to be human.
Brain science and physiology point to significant differences between boys and girls. As a father of 3 girls, my household dynamic is much different than my friend, who is a father of 3 boys.
Men have innate desires to lead and protect. We have a drive for adventure. These traits can spur us to become leaders of positive influence in our communities and families.
But something must be said about the harm that has at times been done in the name of masculinity. Power has been abused, and the world has rightly fought back against this. But true masculinity is not toxic. Leadership starts with humility. Jesus is the greatest example of this. As someone who had great power and authority, he chose to live humbly and put others first.
5. The Cultural Counterfeit of Happiness
We have more technology, opportunity, and health than any generation in history, but we don’t have more happiness.
Materialism and individualism dominate the modern idea of happiness, and if we don’t actively fight back, we’ll fall into their traps. Companies fire 4000+ ads at us every day. We are swarmed with the message of “buy more!” And promised instant gratification at every button click.
We intuitively know that this constant search for more won’t satisfy us, yet we fall into it anyway.
If we want to be a model of happiness and exemplify good masculinity in our communities, we must embrace delay. We must accept that life is a struggle and learn to find joy through the obstacles, not just at the end of them. If we are always living for the next reward, we are never really living–we are waiting.
The culture urges us to assume its ideals, but to thrive we must recognize where those ideals go wrong so we can fight for a better path.
Chasing After Authentic Masculinity
In conclusion, the challenges that men face in today's culture are undoubtedly significant, and it's crucial for us to navigate them with resilience and purpose, refining our good, masculine traits. The rapid evolution of technology and the pervasive influence of social media have introduced new hurdles, testing our ability to maintain authentic connections and find moments of solitude for reflection.
Amidst these challenges, the pursuit of meaningful friendships remains essential for our well-being and mental health. We must resist the pressures of individualism and consumerism, instead focusing on nurturing deep bonds with those who understand and support our authentic masculinity.
Culture's counterfeit promises of happiness through materialism and instant gratification can lead us astray. To truly thrive, we must reject these false ideals and find joy in the journey, even amidst life's struggles.
By acknowledging and addressing these challenges, we can strive to be positive role models in our communities, embodying the values of resilience, authenticity, and the principles of authentic masculinity.
What are some of the biggest challenges you're facing in today's society?
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