Charting a Course of Effective Leadership: Learning to Lead Yourself

TABLE OF CONTENTS

1. What Sets Effective Leaders Apart

2. Identifying Blind Spots

3. Live Your Values

4. What Kind of Leader Do You Want to Be?

5. Closing

In both my career and my journey with MENxNATURE, I've observed a concerning trend: the presence of ineffective leadership, not just in organizations but in family settings too. While a lackluster leader in an office might hinder team morale, a similar figure within a family can have more significant implications.

Being a "dad" isn't just a title; it's a pivotal role that shapes family dynamics. If I, as a father, falter in giving direction and guidance, it can create a rift in the family's cohesion. This absence of clear leadership can breed frustration, discontent, and, sadly, even resentment among loved ones. It's a reminder that leading a family demands as much, if not more, responsibility and care as leading a team in an organization.

What Sets Effective Leaders Apart

In my experiences, I've pinpointed a key trait that sets effective leaders apart: a genuine dedication to self-leadership. This means leading with intention. It's rooted in truly understanding yourself.

Being an impactful leader requires looking inward, truly grasping who you are. It's about celebrating your strengths and confronting the areas you need to grow in. Without this self-awareness, reaching your full potential becomes a much bigger battle. It's this self-awareness that guides me, ensuring my actions align with my deeper values and enabling genuine leadership.

Identifying Blind Spots

To accomplish this effectively, it's not enough to simply pinpoint your strengths. It's crucial to consider how you can harness those strengths and, equally important, how to recognize and address your blind spots. While you may believe you're fully aware of your weaknesses, there can sometimes be a disconnect between our self-perception and how others see us.

An effective leader actively seeks feedback from those nearest him to identify weaknesses and blind spots. An effective leader evaluates this feedback and surrounds himself with people whose strengths complement their weaknesses.

This isn’t limited to the workplace though; it extends into family life as well. As a husband and/or a father, a fundamental understanding of your strengths and weaknesses is essential to helping your family thrive. As men, our ability to self-reflect isn’t always as developed as we’d like. Admitting those areas we need to grow in can be challenging, but as a leader in your family, you’re tasked with taking on these challenges.

One way to accomplish this is to have a meaningful conversation with your wife (and possibly your children) to talk about how the family operates and how to improve your role as a husband and father. It's crucial to approach this conversation with an open mind and not become defensive. You're actively seeking their input, and it's important to truly listen to what they have to say. While you might not always see eye to eye or share the same perspective, it's important to recognize that differing viewpoints can provide you with valuable insights.

Live Your Values

Another aspect of “leading yourself first” is ensuring your actions align with your values. That means you first need to have a clear understanding about what’s most important to you. Is it family? God? Your Job?

If you say that your family is a top priority, but you’re constantly finding yourself devoting 80 hours a week to work and limiting time with your kids, it may suggest a misalignment. Similarly, if you tell your employees that you value initiative but don't provide opportunities for them to take the lead, it may also be a misalignment with your values.

Figure out what’s truly important to you in your life- your home life and your work life. Then, adjust your behavior as needed. You may not realize it, but the way you embrace your values trickles down to the people you’re leading. For instance, if you make integrity and transparency a core part of your leadership style, you’ll notice your employees and your family embracing integrity and transparency as well.

What Kind of Leader Do You Want to Be?

There’s no “one right way” to lead. By identifying your blind spots and aligning your values, you can start to work on “how” you want to lead.

To do this, it’s helpful to think about those who have held leadership roles in your life and understand why they had a lasting impact on you. Think about what specific qualities made these leaders exceptionally effective. Odds are you’ll notice the leaders you most admired practiced integrity, empathy, and servant leadership.

Leadership is not one-size-fits-all; it's a dynamic concept shaped by your personality, values, and experiences. The first step in understanding the leader you want to become is defining your leadership style.

For example, one of the most effective leadership styles is called servant leadership. As the name implies, Servant leadership centers on the idea that a leader’s primary role is to serve and support. Within a family setting, this means prioritizing the well-being and growth of your family members above all else.

Another effective leadership style is called transformational leadership, which emphasizes motivating others to achieve their full potential, creating vision and empowering their team or family to reach new heights.

Leadership styles are not mutually exclusive and can change over time. The leader you aspire to be today may evolve as you gain experience and wisdom. Remember to balance humility and confidence. Confidence allows you to make decisions and inspire trust, while humility keeps you open to learning, acknowledging mistakes, and valuing others' contributions.

Closing

As you contemplate your role as a leader, remember that true leadership begins with leading oneself. The path to effective leadership involves self-awareness, recognizing both your strengths and weaknesses, and actively seeking feedback to bridge the gaps. It's about aligning your actions with your values and embracing a leadership style that resonates with your unique identity.

While leadership styles may vary, the common thread among effective leaders is their unwavering commitment to serving others and inspiring greatness. Whether in the family or the workplace, the mark of a great leader isn't solely defined by success but by the positive impact they leave on those they lead.

So, as you continue on your leadership journey, strive to be the kind of leader who not only achieves goals but also nurtures meaningful relationships, fosters growth, and leaves a positive legacy. In doing so, you'll not only become a better leader but also make a profound difference in the lives of those you care about and who look up to you.