How Family Meals Create Lasting Connections and Influence with Your Kids

TABLE OF CONTENTS

1. The Small Things

2. Research Backs Our Intuitions

3. Practical Tips

4. Taking Charge of Family Togetherness

Most of us have heard about the importance of sharing meals together as a family, yet research shows that over 70% of meals are eaten outside of the home. So where’s the disconnect?

We work hard every day. We come home and we’re exhausted. Maybe we shuttle kids to soccer or dance class. There’s homework to do. We try to get the family together for dinner, but the kids want to watch their favorite show, scroll TikTok, or play Fortnite. The sea of distractions is endless, and we don’t want to be the “bad guy.”

In short, it’s easy to let everyone fend for themselves when it comes to dinner.

But what if a meal together is more than everyone sitting down and eating at the same place and time?

The Small Things

My oldest daughter started kindergarten this year, and when I come home from work I’m eager to hear about her school day. But if I ask my 5-year old directly, “how was your day?“ she might genuinely give an answer, but she also might blurt out something like, “fine.”

There’s something in our nature that often resists things we feel pressured to do.

But at dinner, in a moment of silence, and through a mouth full of macaroni, my daughter will suddenly ask something like, “Dad, does God die?” I find these unprompted questions to be the most fruitful. When the topic comes from their own mind, they are much more willing to engage in a meaningful conversation.

The best interactions with my kids often happen unplanned and unprompted.

But this means we need to make room in our lives for the unplanned. If every waking moment has a line item from a schedule attached to it, we may miss the opportunities for these spontaneous moments.

There’s a dual power in eating together as a family–we are together and not doing something else that occupies our attention. When you combine both, on a regular basis, you foster opportunities for deeper connection, cementing the principles of authentic masculinity that revolve around genuine relationships and presence.

Research Backs Our Intuitions

We don’t really need statistics to tell us that this connection is important, but in case you like numbers, here’s some research:

• Frequent meals are associated with better psychological health, less substance abuse, and better academic success in kids

• Another study showed that family meals were linked with less sugar consumption, more classroom engagement, fewer behavior problems, and less anxiety

• The effects are especially important in teens: Those who ate more with their family were “more likely to report having high-quality relationships with their parents.”

Is eating a meal together really causing all of these great benefits? It’s not necessarily just the meal and the quality time it brings that lies behind the numbers. I think it’s the entire attitude and philosophy that comes with making the family meal a priority.

There’s also something almost mystical about food. Think back through your life and some of your best memories are often with friends and family around food. Studies on the elderly have found their fondest memories almost always include their memories of meals with friends and loved ones.

Meals together is part of a lifestyle that prioritizes real human connection–an emphasis that can make a lifelong impact.

Practical Tips

“But I don’t have enough time“ is the most common reason for missing regular family dinners. We must be honest with ourselves, though, it’s not time we lack, but priorities. We make time for the things that matter most to us.

In some cases, work schedules or other necessities keep us from dinner being the regular connection time. If that’s the case, you can still prioritize meaningful connections with your family, you may just need to get creative over when and how that happens.

Here are some practical tips:

It doesn’t have to be dinner

It’s not about the when (dinner), it’s about the what (connection).

Breakfast might work better for your family. Or if later in the evening is the best time, connect over a glass of chocolate milk or dessert. Try to incorporate the food element if you can, but if you can’t, find another way to intentionally be present as a family.

Set expectations

Setting some ground rules on the front end can help avoid some headaches on the back end. Consider establishing a rule that everyone stays at the table until dinner is over. This way, you don’t have kids getting up halfway through.

Small steps

Don’t try to go from zero days a week to seven. That’s likely to end up in burnout. Instead, set a goal to add one or two more times than you are doing now.

Taking Charge of Family Togetherness

As men, we have a unique opportunity to embody authentic masculinity by setting the tone for our family rhythms. But it’s easy to just to let things happen. Like rainwater flowing down the side of the hill, our schedules will set their own path if we don’t dig out an intentional course for them.

We need to push back against this natural pressure on our time and ask: “What’s really important to us?”

When we deliberately allocate this time, committing to the simple act of daily family meals, we communicate the subtle message to our family that, “you matter.”

This world consistently downplays the importance of men in the family. TV, music, and pop culture send the message of “we don’t really need you.” It’s easy to be influenced by that message and to fade into the background of our family.

But as the leader in your family, creating intentional connection is not optional.

Let’s lead our families well by making mealtime a priority, demonstrating the strength and intentionality of authentic masculinity.

Check out our Instagram for a recent reel on this exact topic: www.instagram.com/menxnature

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