How to Find Purpose as a Man

Ask ten men about their purpose in life, and you'll likely receive ten unique answers. Yet, no matter our differences, there's an undeniable common thread among all of us: we yearn for a deep-seated purpose.

As the seasons of life change, many of us find our days growing busier, and our commitment to that purpose waning. Days become a whirlwind of responsibilities. Whether it's the looming deadline at work, the endless to-dos at home, the demands from friends and family, or the overwhelming joys and challenges of parenting.

Amidst all this, the urgency of the present often overshadows the pursuit of purpose. This "tyranny of the urgent" can be all-consuming. And while this may be our reality, a lingering sentiment often remains - a desire for something more, something substantial. Yet, with the pressures of life pressing in, how do we carve out the time to truly address these inner yearnings?

Lies of Purpose

Over time, I've identified three common misconceptions about purpose:

1. Seeking Purpose in Achievement: A prevalent belief, especially among men, is that purpose can be found in our accomplishments. It's easy to equate success with purpose. The corporate ladder becomes our metric, and every rung climbed promises more fulfillment. It's a trap many fall into, working tirelessly for the next title or accolade. But when we reflect on our life's most poignant moments, a stark realization occurs. Success, as society defines it, often fails to bring the deep contentment we seek. The sentiments of the dying, as highlighted in the book “Top Five Regrets of the Dying,” echo this sentiment, with many wishing they hadn’t devoted so much of their lives to work.

2. Seeking Purpose from Approval: Another pitfall is the pursuit of external validation. It's natural for men to desire respect. Yet, when our purpose hinges on others' perceptions, it becomes precarious. Whether it's through showcasing our intellect, our prowess at a hobby, or our hardworking nature, the need for validation can manifest in various ways. The advent of social media has only exacerbated this, encouraging us to display of our best moments. Yet, tieing our worth to temporary "digital applause" leaves many of us feeling unfulfilled and inauthentic. Notably, the top ergret listed in the book was living a life crafted by someone else's expectations rather than our own true desires.

3. Abandoning Purpose: Lastly, when battered by life's storms, some of us end up letting go of our purpose altogether. This giving up can manifest itself in hours lost to screen time or immersion in distractions that offer temporary relief. While relaxation and leisure are essential, the real question we need to ask ourselves is: Are these activities contributing to our greater goal?

Finding a Lasting Purpose

Discovering our true purpose demands a journey inward and usuually requires us to step away from the noise of daily life.

Find Time

In her book:“The Nature Fix” Floence Williams looks at the science behind nature's postive effects on the brian. This concept champions the idea of disconnecting from our digital chains and retreating into nature. Whether it's a solitary venture or a family adventure, the aim remains the same: to disconnect, reflect, and rejuvenate. While three days might seem daunting, the transformative power of such an escape is undeniable. And it doesn't necessitate grand plans. Even simple activities like backyard camping can offer immense clarity and respite. The key lies in breaking away from our day-to-day routine and allowing ourself the space to think about the big picture.

Find a Purpose Outside Yourself

History and experience show that the richest purposes often lie in family, altruism, and spirituality. Consider your spheres of influence - sometimes, purpose isn't about grand gestures but instead about the small, everyday acts of kindness, integrity, and authenticity.

For many, including myself, a higher calling or spiritual belief can offer a compass. By understanding and embracing our divine purpose, we find a clarity that transcends worldly metrics.

In the quest for authentic masculinity, it's essential to dispel these common misconceptions about purpose. By carving out time for reflection and seeking a purpose that transcends self, we find a path paved with lasting fulfillment and value.

What activities have you found that allow you to disconnect from your day-to-day routines for brief periods?